I feel like I need to re-introduce myself to all of the new names I'm seeing and to all of the old guys that might have forgotten who I am because of the extreme amount of time since my last post. HA...sorry.
All joking aside...It has been a while since I've posted and I want to explain what's been going on so that you can help me pray for God's provision and guidance.
As some of you know I am in the process of planting a church in Dublin, GA. It is a long story from beginning to end, but I want to briefly let you in on some of the recent developments.
I feel like I need to be completely honest and transparent with you guys so you can understand what's going on...when I began planting this ministry I had alot of pride and arrogance in my life. To most people, you probably couldn't see it...heck I couldn't even see it, but it was there. I thought that I was smart enough, a good enough speaker, and obedient enough to make this thing happen without much help from anyone (subconsciously that included God as well). I was depending on my God given abilities, rather than depending on the God who gave them. I'm 26 years old...doesn't seem wrong does it?...but, I was using my youth as a stepping stone for pride rather than an example to believers in my speech, life, love, etc. I would look at older saints and think that their methods and sometimes their message was outdated and irrelevant. I was wrong!!!
As I got further and further into God's calling in my life I've realized that I don't know that much and I don't have all the answers. I've struggled with patience...I've struggled with depending fully on God...I've had to wrestle with scriptures that I've previously though I understood fully. It's almost like the more I learn about who God is...the more inadequate and unworthy I feel of His calling. It seems like it would be the other way around. I want to be able to have all the answers when people ask me questions. I want to be able to give a formula to them, but I cant.
With this being said...I have been craving Truth. It is my biggest fear that I teach someone a false doctrine about God. So in light of that, in the past few months, I have been devouring sound theological doctrine from the bible and from scholars who have historically been known as giants and heros of our faith. John Owen, Calvin, Luther and more recently Packer and Piper to name a few. What I've found is AMAZING and VERY DIFFICULT at the same time.
The truth about who God is is nothing less that awe, and worship inspiring. However, this cannot come apart from a very uncomfortable examination of who I am in light of His glory. The more I learn about God...the more I realize I don't know.
For example...you would think that the more you know about God, the more righteous you would become, thus leading to a freedom from the conviction of you sins. I mean take a look at Joel Osteen...he seems like he knows alot about God and he doesn't stuggle with the conviction of sin (at least he doesn't communicate this from his platform). It's almost like he becomes less burdened by the weight of his sin as he grows closer to God. Well I've found the opposite to be true..."The Mortification of Sin" by John Owen exposed this to me. The closer we get to knowing God the more obvious and disgusting our sins should become to us...because we begin to see them as God does. And since we are intrinsically sinners, we can never escape this conviction.
Terry said it best when he tweeted the other day, "Being spiritually comfortable should make us uncomfortable". We should never be comfortable as christians, because it should be impossible to be comfortable living in our sins...and we ALWAYS SIN. If there's no conviction you are being deceived by the evil one, because you've become so used to them being in your presence OR you're so prideful as to think you are without sin...either way, it's dangerous. Conviction of sins is GOOD...the Law produces conviction, conviction produces repentance, and repentance is wound together with the dependence upon the Savior.
This stuff is not easy for me to swallow...I like to think that I'm not sinning. It's this and things equally as important that I've been wrestling with lately.
So the reason for my silence isn't because I don't care, but because I've been wrestling with making sure I know what's Truth.
PLEASE PRAY THAT GOD WILL CONTINUE TO BE FAITHFUL AND COMPLETE THIS WORK IN ME!!!
I feel like I'm very close (or at least closer than I was) to being able to bless this group with some of the newly acquired doctrinal turth that God has so graciously blessed me with the understanding of.
Keep up the good work fellas!
PS- If you have time go to www.cvbbs.com and pick up some of the writings of John Owen. I promise it will be the best $7 you spend all year...
4 comments:
Awesome Nolan! I'm right there with you. God did some great this in my life and I found myself getting way to comfortable. It took 6 hard months to figure it out and now I'm on that path toward building my foundation back up. Praying for you
Adam pavkovich
Nolan,
I also was convicted of Pride when I saw you posted 10 minutes after me on my post day with the exact same subject, ha. But, I decided to get over it and think about why God put that subject on both our hearts at the same time on the same day. Sounds perfect to me.
The best conviction I saw on your post was "I was depending on my God given abilities, rather than depending on the God who gave them". Thats a powerfully humbling statement that we need to focus on daily. It is important to use our talents, but at the end of the day remember where they came from and why they were given to us. I think you are feeling like that because you are a good speaker and have the power to influence people and maybe you used that power in the wrong way one time and it made you check yourself.
As you said, conviction of sin is good and it helps us grow. So, keep the faith. Good post
"I was depending on my God given abilities rather than the God who gave them."
"The closer we get to knowing God the more obvious and disgusting our sins should become to us...because we begin to see them as God does."
Nolan, those two comments above are powerful and I may have to tweet them. Ha. And thanks for the double barrel shotgun from you and Tyler. God is stirring this group up right now and it is very exciting to me and I hope you sense it too. I mean, we just had two guys post the same thing with similar convictions right after each other without reading each other's first. Awesome stuff! Nolan, one comment of yours I want to comment on.
"I feel like I'm very close (or at least closer than I was) to being able to bless this group with some of the newly acquired doctrinal truth that God has so graciously blessed me with the understanding of."
I am super excited for you to start blessing this group with some sound doctrinal truth and you know me of all people loves deep doctrinal discussions just as much as anyone but my encouragement to you is never underestimate how much you bless this group and everyone around you by messages like this one. Your personal convictions laid out before us and you sharing your journey up close and personal can possess just as much or more thunder power than a lot of theology. Don't wait to share your prize with us but share with us your journey toward that prize. You're the man!
-TEvans
Nolan, I came to a similar point in my life and ministry back in '05. Ironically, it was John Owen and the Puritans that opened my eyes to the truth. Their writings have been a great blessing to me. They were true men of God; humble, pastoral, and theological. They were able to combine head and heart. My prayer for you is that you would follow in that same tradition of unrelenting devotion to God, along with an unquenching hunger after the truth.
TDurham
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